god i'm so tired. coffee. need coffee first. why is my brain already spinning this early? okay breathe. derek's birthday is coming up and i haven't gotten a gift and mom will totally judge me if i don't have something planned. work presentation next week feels like it's hanging over me like this massive dark cloud. i keep thinking about that conversation with sarah last week and how i probably should have said something different but now it's too late and WHY do i always replay conversations in my head??
bills. electric bill was crazy high last month. need to figure out why. maybe those old windows? draft? draft sounds like a good band name. draft. haha. anyway. focus. rental inspection is coming up and the bathroom needs serious cleaning. those water spots on the ceiling are getting worse and i'm pretty sure that's not normal. should i call the landlord? procrastination is my superpower.
dreams were weird last night. something about being late for a test but the test was in a grocery store and all the test questions were written on produce. bananas had math equations. what does that even mean? maybe i should start journaling my dreams. another thing to add to the massive list of things i'm gonna "totally do someday" but never actually do.
fitness goals. ugh. bought those running shoes three months ago and they're still pristine. not a spec of dirt. more like an expensive decoration in my closet. summer is coming. summer body. whatever. who even invented that concept? capitalism and body shame, probably.
creative project i've been avoiding. the one about my grandmother's immigration story. keep thinking about it. keep not writing it. fear is a weird thing. takes up so much space in your head rent-free.
coffee. definitely need coffee now. maybe everything will make sense after coffee. probably not. but coffee.